Cognition of oneself and familiarity with morale of opposite sex for social life and family life of people in future is taken into account as a need. But what is certain, this relation accompanies its special challenges.
In this material, common problems that exist in these relations, are stated.
One of probable consequences of transitory and uncalculated friendships is pessimism. Especially, when people in lower ages faces with these cases, it puts negative effects in their mentality about opposite sex. Most of times, this pessimism is not limited to these friendship relations, but it effects method of life of person in his/her family life in future, too.
Different motivations in friendship
Many believe that goal of boys and a girl from friendship is different. Girls know these relations as an introduction of a serious adventure in future, but boys enter relation with intention of curiosity, trying their social ability in setting communication with opposite sex and sometimes , passing time more, too however, when motivation and goal of people from setting communication is different, for both parties problem will be made. It is for the same reason that it is recommended, never enter relation with ambiguity. Know what your goal is and certainly, make sure of goal of opposite party at first.
In friendship relations, especially at first due to there is no discussion of commitment and responsibility and challenges of a serious life, people dauntlessly devotes all their emotions together such that after a while this imagination is made in them that lest in future, they marry with person other than this person that he/she does not love her/him so this extent. Now sometimes this emotional relation is just a misapprehension or a type of dependence that naturally, is formed. It is for the same reason that in many educations before marriage, while emphasizing on necessity of existence of a familiarity period, it is emphasized that it should not last more than 4 or 5 months because lasting time causes to make emotional dependence itself and effects decision making.
Boy and girl who had much difference with each other religiously and culturally and any several times, once this problem was converted into many quarrels between them and as well, their families disagreed with their marriage, were not able to separate from each other since they fear this that other person will never love them to this extent .
Forcing to marry
Relations of boys and girls have their special challenges in all cultures. In our culture, despite it has no longer traditional form of the past, such relations accompany with secrecy, mostly? In fact, in most of families, there is no positive view at such relations, if there is no will of marriage in it. Most of times, revealing relation or making conditions in it that is in contradictory with personal or family values of people, causes that both parties, especially girls lead adventure toward marriages that no suitability may in it and because usually, it occurs in low ages, it is followed by very much problems .
Pessimism, hasty relation, forcing to marry and emotional dependence are from common problems that are made in friendship relation between boys and girls.
One of major concerns of young, especially when entering to university is that how they adapt with a space that boys and girls are probably busy to study in a joint place for the first time? Will they have ability to make relation with them and get social acceptance?! Of course, this concern is natural but perhaps, suitable solution is not that one is involved in such experience hastily. Especially usually, at first of any new activity and new situation such as entering to university, different concerns and crises are faced by person that person should adapt with one-by-one of them. A little contemplation and patience cause that person face with problems with more awareness. Many of these persons choose friends for themselves hastily for fright of lest they stay alone that since it has not been with precision and patience, it makes problem for them.
Try in changing other
What usually occurs as consequence of emotional dependence and forcing to marry is that people tries to justify differences to tries to change other? This thing is not relation other than justification to ambiguously continue. Sometimes, also both parties to change other. Person who, for years has lived with a special method of coverage and behavior and attitude, is not easily able to change it and newly, this change of attitude and behavior should be done with his/her will. People prefers, as they are, to be accepted and not conditional acceptance. It is for the same reason that effort to change other in ones’ favorite direction is faced with failure in most cases and if opposite party accepts it compulsorily, it will be accompanied with annoyance, mutual expectation, and reducing self-confidence .
Pessimism, hasty relation, forcing to marry and emotional dependence are from common problems that are made in friendship relation between boys and girls. But providing these warnings does not mean to negate any type of relation, but it is a notification about a relation that:
– Goal of relation is ambiguous.
– In which, there is secrecy.
– There is no suitability between people.
Otherwise, from core of a targeted social relation without secrecy and using specialists consultatively, many valuable experiences can be extracted.