As a spouse, you should try to get to know your spouse’s feelings, desires, likes and dislikes. Remember that as you and your spouse get older, the need for mutual understanding increases. Having got enough knowledge and understanding about your spouse, you will be in a fitting position to be more attentive to him/her and behave towards your spouse more properly.
Remember your loving Creator, Allah. Try to always have the remembrance of Allah in your heart and mind, and rest assured that Allah will help, support and guide you. In the Holy Qur’an we read: “Truly on remembrance of Allah the hearts feel perfect rest.”
Consider joint fruitful goals and try to attract your spouse’s cooperation in achieving those worthy goals.
Be thankful to your God for His blessings, so you will be satisfied with what He has ordained for you. Remember that the Master of Martyrs, Imam Hussein (A.S), on the last moments of his blessed life and while severely wounded and on the verge of martyrdom in Karbala, addressed Allah thus: “O my God, I am satisfied with what You have ordained for me and I submit to Your command. I worship none but You.”
Avoid selfishness, for one cannot sense the sweetness of spiritual uplift as far as he/she is enslaved by selfishness.
Be a responsible partner and instead of expecting too much from your spouse, try to find out your own real duties and to fulfill them as best as you can.
Remember that your spouse’s complaints are not always due to problems. Rather they may be due to the need and desire for your attention. So, if for example your spouse complains of a headache, you should not immediately tell him/her to see a doctor. Rather you had better first show sympathy, ask the cause, and then let him/her explain and find some relief in talking with you.
Let your spouse know that you value his/her likes and talents. Let him/her do the works in his/her own way as far as possible. This way he/she will feel more valuable, loved and respected, thus becoming a better spouse and a more capable parent (likewise a more useful person for society).
As a husband show love, affection and respect for your spouse, Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). Allah’s last and most exalted Messenger has said: “A man’s saying ‘I love you’ to his wife will remain in her heart.” Women have a more delicate spirit and thus are very much in need of being loved by their husbands, otherwise they may suffer various sorts of emotional and spiritual disorders which will certainly affect their physical health as well.
Try to be a good addressee in your relationships with your spouse. Let him/her speak freely about what he/she has done during the day. Remember that being a good listener can lead to being a good spouse.
As a wife, never compare your husband with other men, for if you do so, he will be severely irritated and thus your marital life will lose its sweetness.
As a wife, try to appreciate the help your husband offers at home, and more importantly try to praise and compliment him for his good works and abilities.
Avoid doing what you know displeases Allah.
Respect your spouse’s beliefs and interests even if you yourself do not believe in them.
Take lessons and examples from divine teachings.
Islam – Allah’s last and the most perfect religion, offers the best teachings, guidelines and examples for all areas and phases of human life. To study the life stories, manners and sayings of the infallibles is indeed very fruitful for all, including for spouses who desire the best marital life.
Always trust Allah. This way stress and anxiety will not overpower you.
Never let your home become a place of violence.
Avoid yelling and using foul-language in all conditions.
Avoid unnecessary hostile arguments with your spouse. Imam Sadiq (A.S) is quoted as saying: “Avoid arguments, because it disturbs the hearts, affects one’s faith and bears rancor.”
Be calm and well-wishers in your relationship with your spouse and his/her family members. With no doubt, the best way of achieving calmness and tranquility is to try to get nearer to Allah, and thinking (every day) will serve as a great help in this regard.
Be attached to love in your marital life.
Imam Sadiq(A.S) has said: “As one’s faith (Iman) increases, so does his/her love for his/her spouse.”
Think before speaking, otherwise you may regret it later.
Try to have your meals together as often as possible. This way you will have a more pleasant home environment and better feelings will be created between you and your spouse. We know Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has said that those who desire to eat alone, to travel alone and to sleep alone in a house are among the cursed.
Try to look into your spouse’s eyes (of course lovingly) when talking with him/her, so your mutual love and affection will increase.
Exchange gifts. Imam Ali – the commander of the faithful (A.S) has said: “Give gifts to each other so that your love and affection for each other increase.” .
Be good-tempered. Imam Sadiq (A.S) has said that good temper can be found in three things: “Giving salutations first (before the others salute you), using nice words and being modest.”
Be honest. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has said, “The loveliest words to me are the most honest of them.”
Keep your promises.
Call your spouse by the name he/she loves.
Take advice. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has said: “Accept the gift of advice and guidance from the one who offers it to you”
Be forgiving to find your spouse as your most sincere friend.
Respect your spouse’s privacy. Everybody needs some time to relax and think in solitude.
Plan for bringing about spiritual progress in your spouse. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) has stated: “On the Day of Judgment Allah will most honor those who endeavor towards the well-being and salvation of others the most.”