Question: I just got married, and would like to know the essential fiqh of bedroom relations. I wanted to know the fiqh of intimacy with one’s spouse. Specifically what is haram, makrooh, mubah, halal..etc…
It is disliked to:
Face the qibla. (Ibn `Abidin)
Be in the presence of a mature child. (Ibn `Abidin)
Talk, for it is from the sunna not to talk excessively during intercourse. (Ibn `Abidin)
It is proper to cover up a Qur’an in the bedroom. (Ibn `Abidin)
It is best to avoid looking at each other’s private parts, though some Companions held that it is fine because it increases desire. (Durar)
Ibn al-Hajj al-Maliki mentioned in al-Madkhal:
The beginning of the night is better…
One must avoid intercourse with one’s wife before any foreplay, because it has been interdicted. Rather, one should play around with her and jest with kisses, touches and the like. Then, one sees that she is ready, prepared, and desirous of him, only then should he initiate intercourse. The wisdom of the Lawgiver in this is evident, for the woman derives pleasure as a man does. If he approaches her while she is unprepared, he may fulfill his need, but she may not, and would feel frustrated…
Before penetration, one should say, Bismillah Allahumma Jannibna al-Shaytan, wa Jannib ish-Shaytanu ma Razaqtana, as has been authentically reported in the sunna…
One should be careful to fulfill the rights of the wife with regards to intercourse, and to safeguard her religion. One should fulfill oneself [=orgasm] after she has achieved fulfillment, to be under the general rubric of the Prophet’s saying (Allah bless him and give him peace), “Allah is in the assistance of a servant as long as he is in the assistance of his fellow.”
One should not have intercourse without covers…
It is best to perform ghusl before sleeping after intercourse. Or, at least to do wudu and wash the private parts. [f: One should not, at the very least, leave washing the private parts.]
These are general guidelines. Ruqayya Waris Maqsood’s book on marriage goes into some detail on the subject, as does Imam al-Ghazali’s work.
Anal sex is, of course haram.
Mutual hand stimulation is permitted.
Sexual fluids are najis, so oral sex is detested.
During mentruation (hayd), intercourse is haram. So is direct skin contact between the wife’s navel and knee. Everything else, however, remains permitted.
And Allah knows best.