Traditional, modern, on internet, Islamic
In previous part we talked about the importance of marriage in Islam and in this part we will introduce different kinds of marriage. It should be considered that for forming a firm and successful marriage there must be a healthy relationship and a suitable choice and for reaching this aim the steps should be prepared which is related to how the two people have got familiar with each other.
In the past, the marriages were traditional. It means that deciding and choosing the girl for marriage was something done by the parents and the understanding was between the families. But in the modern marriages the two people decide themselves and the families don’t have an important role on it. They get acquainted at university or at the work place and even on internet and then they tell their parents.
The traditional way of marriage is a family-based model which is done according to the customs and traditions. One of the advantages of the traditional marriage is that the boy really wants to get married and he doesn’t want to have fun. In addition, he has his family’s support and also the support of the society, meaning that everyone respects this way of marriage.
But as a disadvantage we can mention that educated people don’t like it. Also there is a kind of uncertainty in this way. It means that if the girl is not liked by the boy it is difficult to say that to the family of the girl and it may cause annoyance between the families.
In the modern way, which is an individual-based way, the person decides and says himself and the family doesn’t have that much role, just at the end the family is being considered.
In comparing this way with the traditional one it may seem less stressful and not interfering the marriage by the families may provide a better situation for some people but uncertain people (like those in chat rooms and on the internet), not having the support of family and society and hiding the zeal for friendship behind the excuse of marriage are some of the serious harms of this model.
On the other side, most of these friendships which happen at universities or work places are based on emotions and the interest doesn’t let the realities to be seen. And even most of the time the problems and differences are ignored knowingly and they think that they will disappear by the time passes.
The Islamic way, which is based on the wisdom and emotion, has the advantages of the traditional way and the person has the support of his family at the same time that he can decide himself too, so that not the person is sacrificed because of his family nor the family because of their child. In this way, the two people talk together while their family know and observe this and they speak about their situation without any stress and they try to know each other.
In addition, when the families know about this it causes a kind of encouragement for the person and helps him to look at the issue from a different perspective than just emotion. In fact, the Islamic marriage is the mixture of the person’s knowledge after knowing the girl and his family’s attitude. It should be mentioned that traditional and Islamic way of marriage are different and in between traditional way is better than the modern one.
The fourth way which has penetrated in the youth society these days is the one on internet. The electronic marriage or on internet is a social method which was formed after the advent of technology like internet and satellites, though it is not acceptable in the civilization and culture of Islamic countries. These kinds of marriages don’t have stability because they don’t have a logical base. So after a while they will cause promiscuous.
Actually, for a suitable choice three steps must be taken to consideration. First we should know the philosophy and the aim of the life. Second we should recognize our criteria and third we should manage to match the criteria with our situation. The person who decides to get married should have a clear image of his wants, beliefs, expectations and thoughts and then he should look for a person who has the most in common with him.
Proper negotiation is the necessary thing for getting to know someone and finding the common points. The girl and the boy must talk about their needs, wanting and beliefs in a calm place. In the next part we will talk about how to choose a proper spouse.